Anatomy and Physiology, Pre-School Style

Often times, when children visit or are babysat by family members it takes a little while to gently tease out whatever damage may have been done.  This is not the case with the wild boys.  They come home eager to tell tales of all of the forbidden extravagances they have been allowed.  And that's to be expected.  But perhaps most entertaining is when they have experienced something entirely new that a family member has clearly not felt entirely comfortable explaining.  We've all been there.  None of us want to be the monsters that ruin the fun of Santa or the Tooth Fairy while we are in charge of someone else's child.  But this time it was poor Auntie suffering the questions of pregnancy (insert dramatic sound track here).

Somewhere along the line while Auntie watched the boys they encountered a very, VERY pregnant lady.  And when Auntie brought them home they were very interested in when I would have another baby (ummmm, never. EVER. I tipped the doctor to double knot those tubes...) and various other little fun questions. 

This shouldn't have surprised me. Gavin, as of late, has a profound interest in anatomy.  The other day he came running around a corner to ask me in a very rushed manner what exactly the thing under a penis was called.  And I answered, but before I could ask why he was gone again.  It all became clear a minute later when I heard him telling Gabe "yup, that's your testicles. I know buddy, that REALLY hurts."

And I'm not sure exactly what Auntie told them, other than a baby was growing inside the Mommy's tummy.  But never have I been so glad to have had c-sections as when Gavin asked how the baby got out.  And I calmly explained that when I had him the doctor cut open my tummy and took him out.  Until of course he freaked out. "Oh no Momma! Did you die?"  Perhaps not his most well thought out question, but I could see how it would seem pretty major.  He then assured me that if that was necessary he would never be having babies.  Well, I had some good news for him on that front at least.

Probably I should explain a little more to him.  But really, Gavin's concept of anatomy at this point is either with or without penis.  He's sure that girls just lack penises and have bottoms that extend further.  And I'm a little afraid if I let him think babies emerge from that vicinity he may start checking anytime people try to poo to see if it is actually a baby.  And I really am not up to explaining to the daycare provider where that confusion is coming from. 

None of this seemed like a very big deal really.  I was pretty sure since he's only five it was a non-issue.  But today he went with his grandparents to the State Fair.  I'm hoping they didn't linger around the livestock birthing center.  Sure, it's educational, but I feel like I deserve a little more time before I should have to delve into the world of reproductive lectures.  I mean come on, the kid hasn't even lost a tooth yet! At least let me get him through kindergarten before this talk.  And I know, all of you out there are thinking to yourselves I could feed him some line of garbage about dewdrops and cabbage patches.  But really? That's never going to fly with a wild boy.  Because inevitably it will result in my boys trying to cultivate their own babies to form into troops for battle in someone's vegetable patch, and then I'll just have to explain not only why it didn't work but why we aren't welcome at that vegetable patch anymore.

So I sit here, typing, dreading the return of the munchkins.  With any luck they will have just witnessed someone puking on rides. That's way easier to explain, especially since it usually IS Gavin.  Maybe one glass of wine though, just in case...