Back to School!

Hola, Wild Boy friends and family, and welcome back to a brief update from La Casa de Testosterone. Since last we parted, the boys have driven the cop and I crazy for the remainder of their summer vacation and last week (insert sounds of choir of angels here) school started again.

I know, I know, everyone is shocked at the possibility that I could be relieved by the return of homework, packing lunches, drop off lines and the dreaded Tuesday envelopes. But I’ll level with you all – if school didn’t start and physically separate the Wild Boys I’m not sure they would have lived. You see, the bickering has reached maximum parental capacity. It’s almost as if they inhale ONLY to bicker on each and every exhale. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard them do it in their sleep. There is no end. So you can imagine my bliss when they are separated for eight hours a day. Although I’m not actually there to enjoy it, which sucks. But at least teachers see my pleasant children, not my hell spawn. So that’s nice.

I’ve used this solace to get me through the first week (and technically it was only half a week – they didn’t start until Wednesday). This is the first time in several years the boys haven’t been at the same campus, because Gavin has now moved on to middle school. And let me say this, chaos has taken on a whole new meaning in la Casa. Gabe came home from day one with homework and a Tuesday envelope (on a Wednesday, no less – have they no mercy???) which contained all the standard emergency card paperwork to fill out, along with a permission slip for a field trip and demand for cash to pay for said field trip. ON DAY ONE. (Eye twitch barely perceptible, but I can feel it). Fine, it’s fine right? Then Gavin came home with two more letters from teachers with subsequent school supply lists and a request to help fund the science program or they won’t have the materials for the year, along with notice that pictures are coming this week! Yay!

LISTEN UP SCHOOL STAFF- I’m going to need you to get your crap in line here. See, you mailed home a supply list that ended up filling an entire backpack and costing me about what a vital organ goes for on the black market (not that I’ve checked, but I only “need” one kidney and something has to fund these educations) FOR EACH OF MY KIDS. Then the list came home for the student body card, the PE clothes, and the yearbook I clearly have to buy the first day of school for Gavin, followed by the additional list from the math and science teachers. AND THEN FUND THE SCIENCE PROGRAM???? (Eye twitching much more visibly, causing people to stop and stare…). Fine. It’s fine. I love science. Science is imperative, I already donated to Gabe’s school, I can do this, it’s only fair.

BUT PICTURES? School pictures are a must purchase. Because if I don’t I’m missing a year in the chronology of my children through all the super awkward school phases that I will someday cherish, I’m sure. But the expense is, um, only slightly less than exorbitant and I REALLY DO NEED at least one kidney. I’m running out of options here! (Eye twitch now rivals the speed of hummingbird wings beating, making it appear as if one eye is always closed and forcing me to consider borrowing one of the boys’ pirate eye patches). FINE. IT’S FINE. I’M FINE.

Did I mention that on the second day Gabe’s teacher sent a chunk of his materials home and said the school made a mistake, he doesn’t actually need those now? You know, those products I’ve carefully labeled in permanent marker with his name, thus making it impossible to return them…(Eye will no longer open – exists in constant closed spasm – driving virtually impossible now).

Worth it, people. Because education is key? Yeah, well that’s true. But more importantly, when I finally have a stroke and get to be at home while they’re at school for those hours every day I won’t hear any bickering. Only that choir of angels singing, and the whirring noise of that twitching eyelid.

Until next time – happy school days!