THE BOYS ARE BACK!!! Surviving Summer Camp

Hola, Wild Boy friends and family. A SUPER happy Mama coming to you this afternoon from La Casa de Testosterone, because all my guys are FINALLY home.

Summer means a lot of things here in la Casa, and one of the biggest is Summer Camp. Gabe is a Cub Scout, Gavin is a Boy Scout, and both of them have summer camps to earn all kinds of patches and merit badges and have all kinds of boy fun. Gabe goes with the Cop for four days, Gavin goes alone for ten days. This is the first year they were at separate camps, and of course camps overlapped so for four days it was me and the animals. That went as well as could be expected (not well at all), and then the Cop and Gabe came home and I had some degree of peace. But not my Gavin. He was gone for ten days.

Ten days. This was our first time apart with him not with a family member for more than a night. And he was gone for TEN DAYS. While I know that most parents would delight in this kind of break, I was FRANTIC. Lets try to remember how well I handled the two day backpacking trip at the beginning of summer (not well, if you missed it - I did not do well). But we got updates from the troop leaders, and I knew all I had to do was make it until Family Day.

Yesterday, my friends, was Family Day. They offer you the option to stay the night if you want so they can use you as slave labor to clean up camp today, the last day of camp. We decided we would just go for the day, and I've learned some things about Scout Camps.

First off, at this Boy Scout camp they did not require bathing. They checked hands in the meal lines, and after long backpacking trips they made the boys swim to the middle of the lake, soap up on a dock, and swim back to rinse off. That's the closest they came to actually getting clean, and this became immediately apparent when I first saw Gavin.

 

 

If it weren't apparent enough there, a tour of their camp site made it ever more evident. And it really just reinforced my previous findings that BOYS. ARE. GROSS. See, the way the camp is set up involved a hike in that led to the lake, which is gorgeous.

And while the boys all eat by the lake and do all of their "classes" there, they have to hike about a quarter of a mile directly up a granite hillside to get to their camps, where adults are not allowed except in pairs during the day. Boys only. Eight of them. Ten days. Three tents.

It makes sense that when we got there they immediately tried to sidetrack us with this view:

 

because the ground around their tents were littered with clothing, including dirty underwear which appeared to have become one with nature. Whether this happened after being dropped in the dirt or before, I can only imagine, but I could venture a guess given the smell of the boys. Walking past the opening of the tents a smell wafted out. An unholy, noxious smell that could drop the most experienced parent to their knees. As I looked at Gavin's tent mates with tears in my eyes, one quickly blurted out "It's NOT B.O. though!"  At which point I gasped "no...it doesn't smell as good as B.O. - what in God's name IS that?" and I was informed that all the boys were now sleeping under the stars because they had farted to the extent it had become embedded in the canvas, creating a kind of fart hot box that would not air out no matter how hard they tried. Febreeze is not a thing in the woods, folks. Those tents may only be capable of being saved with an exorcism. Or fire. I guess we'll know next year when they break them out of storage for the next group of unsuspecting scout victims.

 

Also, no bathrooms in the woods. Only "Bloops," which are holes in the ground that have a toilet seat over them and cans of loose dirt to "flush" with - but "only poop in the bloop" because you are supposed to "pee on a tree." There's a girl bloop which allows for some pee action, but also involves some dramatic contortionist action to make sure the pee doesn't go into the bloop box...it was all very confusing. And pretty gross, but apparently a smoothly operated machine. I asked Carlos, a Junior Officer and "keeper of the bloops" how often he has to clean it out. Apparently it was very minimal, except right after Taco Tuesday when bloop maintenance became in high demand. I have a high degree of sympathy for Carlos, and part of me wonders if he's being punished by something with the cook's mid-week meal choices. Worst. Job. Ever.

 

We also learned that the camp has a doctor on staff. That seemed awesome to this helicopter mom, until I was told that every problem that was taken to medical staff was met with the same suggestion: drink more water. Gav had a stomach ache - drink more water. One kid had asthma issues - clearly needed a cup of water. Another had a horribly ingrown, pus filled ingrown toenail and was offered a cup of water AND the ability to dip his toe in the water... A mom fell on the last day of camp and broke her leg. It's too bad I was already gone at that point, because at least I would have offered her some of my ibuprofen to take with the water to hold her over while the scouts made a litter to carry her out on (lots of extra merit badges there, by the way...way to take one for the team, stranger mom!).

 

While we were there Gav and his troop swam in the Scout Olympics.

 

He and Gabe and the Cop all had fun throwing tomahawks.

And after dinner the boys settled in for a game of chess. Yes, I'm serious. Because I'm never kidding when I say we are making Renaissance Men. And they are pretty good at it.

 

We left after campfire and hiked out in the dark, which was nowhere near as hard as leaving my kiddo after nine days. And today, his buddy's mom drove them home and fed them real food for the first time in over a week. When he got home, he was smothered with love by Rey, who missed him almost as much as I did. Although I don't pee when I see him, so maybe she does miss him more.

 

And finally, my family was reunited. It was bliss, albeit stinky, filthy bliss. For half an hour, that is, until the boys forgot they missed each other and started fighting. It actually took about twenty minutes longer than I anticipated. But at least the balance is restored in La Casa. Now, I'm off the enjoy some family time. Until next time, remember - only poop in the bloop!