Public Punishment
Let's spend a little time examining public disciplining of children, shall we? Just jump right in to a hotbed of debate and open the door to immense judgment and criticism? Yes, yes I believe we shall.
It would seem the people with the strongest beliefs about discipline are not actually parents. That's right, we're on to you all. With your haughty looks and sneers of disapproval. That's why every parent on earth ignores you or (in my case) openly laughs at you. Because non parents have NO idea. But I'm going to do my best to enlighten you a wee little bit.
Picture it: Old Navy. You have run inside for a quick, yes quick, quest to find Hawaiian shirts for three and five year old boys. Why? Because during the one pick up you actually made from daycare last week when you weren't relying on the kindness of EVERYONE else on the emergency card due to last minute overtime demands, you were informed you had to bring something for a bake sale Tuesday, money for Chuck E Cheese Wednesday, and something Hawaiian along with cosutmes for Luau Thursday. Oh, and since the only two stores within half an hour of your house had none, you had to drive an hour away to look. And after the hour of driving you realized you better feed your wild boys before asking them to behave in a store. Not only were they amazingly good at the restaurant, they were also amazing at Target, where employees rolled their eyes at you and told you that NOBODY was carrying Hawaiian shirts, it's the wrong season for that. Which brings you even further from home, to Old Navy, where you realize upon entry you have reached the limit of good behavior and are due for a breakdown any minute...
Shockingly, there are no Hawaiian shirts. So you are forced to dig through every clearance item looking for something quasi-appropriate in the correct sizes. Suddenly, the five year old finds the backpacks. And yes, he DOES need a new backpack, and these are infinitely cooler then the ones close to home, and school starts in a week. Heck, why not? Save a trip later, right?
But wait, if Gavin gets a backpack...
After explaining to your three year old he isn't actually going to kindergarten an amazing transformation takes place. A look of heartbreak rips across his toddler features, and the wind and strength simultaneously leave his tiny body, dropping him to the floor seemingly lifeless in the middle of Old Navy. This is when people start to stare. Fortunately the wind returns quickly, and it becomes readily apparent he is still breathing when the screams of torment and heartbreak start echoing through the store. Sobs, kicking, borderline hyperventilation, all for a backpack.
And so, non parents, you have a few options. You can calmly reason with your child. You can threaten a time out which won't actually happen until some time so far in the future your kid will have no idea what it's for, because where do you really plan to put a kid on time out in the middle of a store? You can spank. You can pick up your kid and leave without any of the purchases you needed. Or you can buy the damn backpack.
I know, I know, you're thinking just leave. Did you miss how many stores you'd already been to? Reasoning? Good luck. Bribery? Only if it's the backpack. The $20 backpack you don't need, have any space for or reason for purchasing and he will lose interest in in a matter of hours. And that feels like caving. The kid will never learn if you don't take a stand now.
With a five year old, this is relatively simple. You can just tell him "look at how many people are going to see me spank you" and it silences him immediately. He scans to see how many little girls will see him cry. It buys you the time you need to reprogram him. But a three year old? He doesn't care. He's already crying. And in the midst of the flailing he's also managed to pull an existing scab off his nose, which is now bleeding steadily, making it appear to the newly converging crowd that he has been dropped by some judo chop by you as you beat him mercilessly when he innocently inquired about a backpack purchase. Are you really going to scoop him up and spank him now? Are you? Because at this point at least three people have started to dial Child Protective Services and/or 911 and are making a mental note of your descriptors to give to responding officers.
So, welcome to the anguish of public discipline decisions. I'll leave it to you to decide how you would handle it. Meanwhile I'm going to look for a place to store a couple of new backpacks.
Until next time.
It would seem the people with the strongest beliefs about discipline are not actually parents. That's right, we're on to you all. With your haughty looks and sneers of disapproval. That's why every parent on earth ignores you or (in my case) openly laughs at you. Because non parents have NO idea. But I'm going to do my best to enlighten you a wee little bit.
Picture it: Old Navy. You have run inside for a quick, yes quick, quest to find Hawaiian shirts for three and five year old boys. Why? Because during the one pick up you actually made from daycare last week when you weren't relying on the kindness of EVERYONE else on the emergency card due to last minute overtime demands, you were informed you had to bring something for a bake sale Tuesday, money for Chuck E Cheese Wednesday, and something Hawaiian along with cosutmes for Luau Thursday. Oh, and since the only two stores within half an hour of your house had none, you had to drive an hour away to look. And after the hour of driving you realized you better feed your wild boys before asking them to behave in a store. Not only were they amazingly good at the restaurant, they were also amazing at Target, where employees rolled their eyes at you and told you that NOBODY was carrying Hawaiian shirts, it's the wrong season for that. Which brings you even further from home, to Old Navy, where you realize upon entry you have reached the limit of good behavior and are due for a breakdown any minute...
Shockingly, there are no Hawaiian shirts. So you are forced to dig through every clearance item looking for something quasi-appropriate in the correct sizes. Suddenly, the five year old finds the backpacks. And yes, he DOES need a new backpack, and these are infinitely cooler then the ones close to home, and school starts in a week. Heck, why not? Save a trip later, right?
But wait, if Gavin gets a backpack...
After explaining to your three year old he isn't actually going to kindergarten an amazing transformation takes place. A look of heartbreak rips across his toddler features, and the wind and strength simultaneously leave his tiny body, dropping him to the floor seemingly lifeless in the middle of Old Navy. This is when people start to stare. Fortunately the wind returns quickly, and it becomes readily apparent he is still breathing when the screams of torment and heartbreak start echoing through the store. Sobs, kicking, borderline hyperventilation, all for a backpack.
And so, non parents, you have a few options. You can calmly reason with your child. You can threaten a time out which won't actually happen until some time so far in the future your kid will have no idea what it's for, because where do you really plan to put a kid on time out in the middle of a store? You can spank. You can pick up your kid and leave without any of the purchases you needed. Or you can buy the damn backpack.
I know, I know, you're thinking just leave. Did you miss how many stores you'd already been to? Reasoning? Good luck. Bribery? Only if it's the backpack. The $20 backpack you don't need, have any space for or reason for purchasing and he will lose interest in in a matter of hours. And that feels like caving. The kid will never learn if you don't take a stand now.
With a five year old, this is relatively simple. You can just tell him "look at how many people are going to see me spank you" and it silences him immediately. He scans to see how many little girls will see him cry. It buys you the time you need to reprogram him. But a three year old? He doesn't care. He's already crying. And in the midst of the flailing he's also managed to pull an existing scab off his nose, which is now bleeding steadily, making it appear to the newly converging crowd that he has been dropped by some judo chop by you as you beat him mercilessly when he innocently inquired about a backpack purchase. Are you really going to scoop him up and spank him now? Are you? Because at this point at least three people have started to dial Child Protective Services and/or 911 and are making a mental note of your descriptors to give to responding officers.
So, welcome to the anguish of public discipline decisions. I'll leave it to you to decide how you would handle it. Meanwhile I'm going to look for a place to store a couple of new backpacks.
Until next time.
Comments
Post a Comment