Heat Wave
Here I sit, logging in this morning at nearly 9:00 am, and it's already in the mid 80's. I'm told we may get thunderstorms, which accounts for the humidity. I'm also told it will be around 100 again, despite the storms, WITH the humidity. Day seven of the heat wave, or is it eight...I've lost count and the only thing I know for sure is that I wake up and my head is filled with obscenities. The wild boys, however, they wake up refreshed, energetic, ready to take on the world, and ready to stop my heart on a daily basis.
The wild boys appear unaffected by the heat. This is actually a wonderful thing, since they think being inside is a punishment and we all suffer for it. So when the heat kicked in we filled their pool on the deck, made a household rule that as soon as it's in the upper 70's the boys are exempt from all clothing except swimsuits, and have resigned ourselves to the fact that we may need another mortgage for PG&E and the water bill next month. The cop and I have gone into what I regard as some kind of shock. All non-essential functioning has ceased. We parent and we hydrate. One day we'll be real humans again.
What makes this entertaining is our delay in processing and responses to the wild boys. We caught the wild boys attempting to stack lawn furniture to make a diving platform to dive in to the 2.5 foot deep wading pool. The normal response would have been outraged yelling with undertones of panic. The new response, with heat delay, involved me handing the cop my beer and deconstructing the tower while explaining it was too hot for the Emergency Room, and the people there would be smellier than usual and I was not doing it.
Twenty minutes later, as the boys climbed on to the railing of the deck to leap into the pool all it took was a look from me to freeze them and reverse them off. They know how I feel about smelly people.
And while my brain function is delayed, theirs is not. They say things that usually make me laugh hysterically or send me into a state of shock. They have no concept that some things may be inappropriate and some things may be misconstrued. Gabriel asked why he doesn't sunburn and Gavin does. A conversation ensued about different skin types, and he affirmed that he may not burn but he can still get rashes like Gavin. I agreed. And he said "because if I don't wipe good after pooping I get rashes. It's kind of like that." And he walked away. I thought to myself that I guess it COULD be kind of like that...
In a clash over why I got more kisses goodbye from the cop than they did I told the boys when they were married they could have more kisses from their wives. Gabriel, firmly entrenched in the Oedipus complex, assured me he'd be marrying me. Gavin told him he couldn't. Why, Gabriel inquired? "Because by the time you're old enough to get married she'll be dead."
Wow. Don't worry folks, obscenities still firmly ensconced within my brain. Gavin, however, may be on the reindeer poo list for Christmas. We'll see how long I hold this old lady grudge.
Yesterday the boys went to a birthday party. My dear friend, who will be reading this blog, was kind enough to have them over despite me being a horrible mother who could not attend or even get them there due to work, and my rocking daycare ladies dropped them off for me. And when I picked the boys up last night and asked about how the party went they both assured me it was awesome. And Gavin told me and the daycare ladies that they played outside, but mostly they played a game"in the dog kennel."
That's right, my child has now outed my friend to the daycare ladies as the mom who kennels children. This amuses me because my friend uses the same daycare. Bwahahahaha.
So now, as a holiday with my wild boys begins, I look forward to my minimalistic parenting and hydration duties. I sat through several hours at the park awaiting fireworks with them last night and had to use parenting statements that make me cringe in retrospect. Things like "no, a teeter totter is designed for two...if you guys don't knock it off all twelve of you are going to get hurt," and "if there's vomit in the hole in the rock you have no business being NEAR the hole in the rock, regardless of whether or not it smells anymore," and "it's not funny to light Grandpa's leg hair on fire."
I'm considering looking into buying a dog, just so I have a reason to get a kennel.
Until next time.
The wild boys appear unaffected by the heat. This is actually a wonderful thing, since they think being inside is a punishment and we all suffer for it. So when the heat kicked in we filled their pool on the deck, made a household rule that as soon as it's in the upper 70's the boys are exempt from all clothing except swimsuits, and have resigned ourselves to the fact that we may need another mortgage for PG&E and the water bill next month. The cop and I have gone into what I regard as some kind of shock. All non-essential functioning has ceased. We parent and we hydrate. One day we'll be real humans again.
What makes this entertaining is our delay in processing and responses to the wild boys. We caught the wild boys attempting to stack lawn furniture to make a diving platform to dive in to the 2.5 foot deep wading pool. The normal response would have been outraged yelling with undertones of panic. The new response, with heat delay, involved me handing the cop my beer and deconstructing the tower while explaining it was too hot for the Emergency Room, and the people there would be smellier than usual and I was not doing it.
Twenty minutes later, as the boys climbed on to the railing of the deck to leap into the pool all it took was a look from me to freeze them and reverse them off. They know how I feel about smelly people.
And while my brain function is delayed, theirs is not. They say things that usually make me laugh hysterically or send me into a state of shock. They have no concept that some things may be inappropriate and some things may be misconstrued. Gabriel asked why he doesn't sunburn and Gavin does. A conversation ensued about different skin types, and he affirmed that he may not burn but he can still get rashes like Gavin. I agreed. And he said "because if I don't wipe good after pooping I get rashes. It's kind of like that." And he walked away. I thought to myself that I guess it COULD be kind of like that...
In a clash over why I got more kisses goodbye from the cop than they did I told the boys when they were married they could have more kisses from their wives. Gabriel, firmly entrenched in the Oedipus complex, assured me he'd be marrying me. Gavin told him he couldn't. Why, Gabriel inquired? "Because by the time you're old enough to get married she'll be dead."
Wow. Don't worry folks, obscenities still firmly ensconced within my brain. Gavin, however, may be on the reindeer poo list for Christmas. We'll see how long I hold this old lady grudge.
Yesterday the boys went to a birthday party. My dear friend, who will be reading this blog, was kind enough to have them over despite me being a horrible mother who could not attend or even get them there due to work, and my rocking daycare ladies dropped them off for me. And when I picked the boys up last night and asked about how the party went they both assured me it was awesome. And Gavin told me and the daycare ladies that they played outside, but mostly they played a game"in the dog kennel."
That's right, my child has now outed my friend to the daycare ladies as the mom who kennels children. This amuses me because my friend uses the same daycare. Bwahahahaha.
So now, as a holiday with my wild boys begins, I look forward to my minimalistic parenting and hydration duties. I sat through several hours at the park awaiting fireworks with them last night and had to use parenting statements that make me cringe in retrospect. Things like "no, a teeter totter is designed for two...if you guys don't knock it off all twelve of you are going to get hurt," and "if there's vomit in the hole in the rock you have no business being NEAR the hole in the rock, regardless of whether or not it smells anymore," and "it's not funny to light Grandpa's leg hair on fire."
I'm considering looking into buying a dog, just so I have a reason to get a kennel.
Until next time.
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